Top Ways To Be A Good Listener And Improve Your Relationships
Unfortunately, being a good listener is becoming more and more of a lost art. Face to face and even phone conversations are no longer the primary way we communicate.
How to Be a Good Listener: 8 Ways to Stand Out in Conversations
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There is a direct connection between the quality of the conversations that we have and the quality of our relationships. Having confidence in your conversation skills can help you get to know a new client, mentor, or friend who could end up sticking around for years to come.
It’s true–using mindful listening is the best way to demonstrate that you’re interested in what other people are saying and you’re open to hearing about their unique experiences, opinions, or expertise. Being mindful during a conversation requires all of your focus to be on the speaker as you’re giving visual cues (such as nodding in agreement) as they talk.
Before knowing about mindful listening, I would have back and forth conversations while anxiously awaiting my turn to speak. I would half listen to the person who was speaking and half prepare what I was going to say in response.
I didn’t think much of it at the time, but once you learn about mindful listening, you realize how much information you’re leaving on the table when people are talking to you. You never know what insights other people can give you until you give them your full attention instead of focusing on your next move. Part of being a good listener is being open to new information that you’re not necessarily looking for, but need to hear.
Like many people, you may already think that you’re a good listener. But recent studies show that despite how we perceive our listening skills, most of us are more easily distracted than we think.
In this article, we are going to talk about how to be a good listener so people will want to talk to you. When you’re able to stand out in a conversation and engage the speaker in their own story, you will learn new perspectives and ideas and people will respect you for being able to put your ego aside as you hear what other people have to say.
How to Be a Good Listener: 15 Key Strategies
1. Remove or avoid distractions.
Turn off your cell phone and put it away. Turn your computer off or turn off the sound so you can’t hear emails and notifications coming in. Turn off the TV, radio, or any other device that could be distracting.
If someone needs to speak to you, and you’re in the middle of a project or task, either ask them to wait until you’re done or stop what you’re doing to listen. Multi-tasking doesn’t allow for good listening.
If you’re in a social setting, and you are speaking one-on-one with someone, try to step aside to a quiet space where you won’t be pulled away or interrupted by other people.
2. Notice non-verbal communication and tone of voice.
Learn the art of reading what people are really saying beyond their words. This can help you be more compassionate and understanding of people — and it can help you avoid getting involved with someone who appears deceitful, disinterested, or controlling.
3. Be the mirror.
A great technique for active listening skills is mirroring the person you are listening to. Without appearing to mimic them, try to reflect back their same tone of voice and speech pattern. You can also mirror their gestures and body language.
You can also reflect the concept or ideas you just heard communicated from the other person to reinforce that you understood and heard what they said. This is particularly important in your intimate relationships or in conflict situations.
You might summarize and restate, “So what I’m hearing you say is that when I don’t help you clean up, it causes you pain.” You reflect words back to show you understood them correctly and that you care what was communicated.
There is a difference between listening and technically hearing what is said.
Hearing what is said takes short term memory — it only indicates that on a surface level you took in their words but didn’t join emotionally with the person speaking to you. Listening is being receptive to your own inner wisdom, while emotionally attuned to the other person.
Men tend to be better listeners than women because generally they can tolerate silence better. Women are better listeners than men in that they are more comfortable sharing emotions. Men need to learn how to be more emotionally available and responsive. Women need to learn how to be supportive through their presence rather than talking too much.
B ecoming a better listener means becoming a better person because it cultivates emotional maturity and generosity. Is it possible to become a great listener? Yes it is.
1. Be interested. Many people think listening means keeping quiet until it is their turn to talk. But true listening is a selfless act. Listening means giving your thoughtful attention to another person. This attention is non-judgmental, open-minded, respectful and curious.
2. Listening is receiving. We are receiving the trust and vulnerability of another person. To be a receiver, let yourself be a blank canvas for the other person. Allow your friend to toss out ideas, feelings, contradictory thoughts, and whatever else is coming up. Let her be upset or illogical.
3. Indicate you’re listening with subtle cues. Let the person know that you’re interested by nodding your head, murmuring “mmm hmmm,” and softly echoing a word or short phrase here and there.
4. Attuning and matching. A good listener usually makes eye contact, but might also sit companionably side by side and gaze straight ahead, allowing the talker privacy and intimacy at the same time. Attune yourself to the person talking to you by noticing the degree of eye contact they are making with you and match them.
HOW TO BE A GOOD LISTENER?
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“Vasudeva listened with great attention. Listening carefully, he let everything enter his mind, birthplace and childhood, all that learning,
all that searching, all joy, all distress. This was among the ferryman’s virtues one of the greatest: like only a few, he knew how to listen. Without him having spoken a word, the speaker sensed how Vasudeva let his words enter his mind, quiet, open, waiting, how he did not lose a single one, awaited not a single one with impatience, did not add his praise or rebuke, was just listening. Siddhartha felt, what a happy fortune it is, to confess to such a listener, to burry in his heart his own life, his own search, his own suffering.”
HOW TO BE A GOOD LISTENER. HOW TO BECOME A BETTER LISTENER. HOW TO BECOME A GOOD LISTENER. HOW TO BE A BETTER LISTENER. HOW TO BE A GREAT LISTENER.
“How to be a good listener?” well, it is one of the most important questions in the present times, as, the rate of being positive in front of people is decreasing day by day. If one is not a good listener, he/she may receive a wrong message from his/her own perspective, not only this, it may also affect the energy of the speaker.
If you are not in a state to listen to a person, you should tell them that it is not a good time to talk but, when you listen, just listen to people politely. Being a good listener lets you see the world from the perspective of the speaker and lets you understand the feelings of others also.
Final Thoughts
Communication in any relationship, personal or professional is hard. We have to be committed to showing up and doing the work to make sure they are successful and thriving. Learning how to be a good listener plays a huge part in the success of each and every one.
The next time you find yourself in a situation where you need to pay attention, remember to validate, be present, and respond with thoughtful consideration. You’ll be amazed at how much your interactions improve.
References:
https://www.developgoodhabits.com/good-listener/
https://liveboldandbloom.com/10/relationships/good-listener#:~:text=How%20to%20Be%20a%20Good%20Listener:%2015%20Key,and%20use%20body%20language.%20…%20More%20items…
https://medium.com/thrive-global/8-ways-to-be-a-good-listener-and-why-you-want-to-1fb4d30087bd
https://sudarshanpurohit.com/how-to-be-a-good-listener/
https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/8-ways-become-good-listener.html
